Will I Be A Good Mom?

mom & babyWhen I first found out that we were expecting I was sure that someone in heaven must have been fired that day because I am one of the worlds most impatient people. I was that person who sat a few seats away rolling my eyes and whispering complaints about the crying baby and why can’t their mom just do something about it. I was the friend who just couldn’t comprehend how all my friends life just seemed to cease to exists once their baby arrived. Seriously, your life doesn’t really revolved around that kid 24/7 does it? Hey, I have volunteered in church nurseries and have done my share of babysitting, but those were all manageable because at the end of the day, little ones went home and I went on with life doing what my husband and I wanted and when we wanted. Nothing holding us back, or embarrassing us in public.

Now, now I know some of you mothers out there had those same thoughts before your own bundle of joy(s) arrived in your life so don’t even go there with the … she’s so mean stuff.

But to be real, how can some one who has been so self-centered, self-serving and impatient bring a child into the world and be considered a good mother? Well that was my thought and mindset of this pregnancy up to recently. I has spent most of my pregnancy deny the reality of it all, and not really planning for the arrival of a new life. I had been going through the emotions and physical aspects of pregnancy and anticipating the delivery, but not really thinking of the aftermath, the newborn baby. From the way I was feeling I didn’t think there was anyway for me to get ride of my fears of being an uncaring mean mommy.

It wasn’t until my 22nd week of pregnancy when the motherly feeling finally hit me. My hubby and I were attending a breastfeeding education class at Babies R Us (yes that is right, my husband came with me because he cares.) Up to then, everything we had been reading, watching and learning was focused on the pregnancy and birth. This was the first thing that we experienced that discussed what to do with the little one after he came out of the protection of the womb and into my arms. For the first time I closed my eyes and envisioned holding and breastfeeding this little baby boy. It was one of those surreal day dreams with smoke and the lights and mirrors the right music playing in the back ground. It was then that I realized … I love this child … and I’m going to do what it takes to be the best mother on this great green planet.

From then on, I would skim through the weekly updates on how the pregnancy is developing but my primary focus has been to read up on any and everything I could think of to ensure my baby will be taken care of in my home. You name it, I am reading on it, and if I haven’t yet, I will be now. From hygiene, to education, to nutrition, to safety, I’m trying to be a walking source of ‘what to do when …’ facts for my baby.

Milestone moment: How I knew I had truly arrived into the motherly realm. We were in public, I think it was Olive Gardens, waiting to be served and there it was … a crying baby just tables away from us. But what did I do, I turned and looked at the family and smiled at the mother who was attempting to ease the child’s tears. My smile wasn’t out of pity or frustration, it was out of hope. It was a smile of reassurance to the mother that she will figure out what her baby needs and she will overcome this small obstacle today.

No more Miss Meany Lady.

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2 comments on “Will I Be A Good Mom?

  1. You’ll figure it out. Heck, I’m still trying to figure it out some days. And there will be days that you ARE impatient. And days when you’ll question if you’re being a good mom. Just know that as long as you learn from those experiences and talk with Ty, he’ll understand. You’ll learn together.

    • Thanks for the confidence and advice. I am sure there will be bad days mixed in with the truck load of good days. Just as long as I start preparing myself from now I think I will make it.

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